If Sailor Moon Wasn't Written by Naoko Takeuchi
by Exstacy13
Summary: What happens when six different people on a Sailor Moon forum decide to play a game by making up a story, line by line? A whole lot of crazy, that's what! OOC for all. Rated M for language and violence.
1. In the Beginning

_Alright, on a few requests from fellow collaborators, I'm going to put this nonsensical story up. Copyright and Warning goes in the beginning of the story and continues onward. Overall, don't take the story too seriously and enjoy! _

**BACKSTORY: This was a collaboration of six different people on a Sailor Moon forum who got bored one day and decided to post a story, line by line. We came up with this crazy masterpiece. **

**WARNING: This story is rated M for violence, swearing, and possibly a third reason not yet discovered. All characters are written very OOC, so please do not read this if you have no sense of humor or are not willing to see your favorite characters get torn to bits… in more ways than one. There are also plotholes, crackpot theories, and just general nonsense. Please refer to the backstory before proceeding. **

**COPYRIGHT: We do not own Sailor Moon, or any characters connected to the series; Naoko Takeuchi licenses them. The many references, be they quotes or names of shows, made throughout the story are also not ours and belong to their respective creators. **

**~*~**

Chapter One

Usagi woke up late again for school. She went to turn off her alarm clock, when she realized it was making a rather odd noise not quite like the normal sound. Frowning, she grabbed it and hurled it against the wall. When it shattered, Tuxedo Kamen's rose flew through the air and it hit her on the nose.

"Ouch, what the hell?!" she screamed as a masked figure entered the window. He was large and he spoke with a loud booming voice, "OOOOH YEAAAAH!!!" (kool-aid guy ftw) She couldn't help but stare at this caped crusader, mouth agape. She began to look around for a gun, but all she could find was her transformation rod. Gripping it tight, she shouted her henshin phrase, and to her shock, she didn't transform! Confused, she smacked the pen against her palm, trying to see the malfunction. It didn't work very well, so she picked up Luna and threw her at the man. Annoyed, Luna took out her anger on the man, clawing madly at his face, which ended up ripping his mask to shreds, revealing none other than Andy from the arcade!

"Andy, what are you doing here?!" Serena asked. Then she noticed his eyes were burning red, and out from his pocket, he pulled a glock. Our bun-haired heroine eyed the weapon suspiciously. He pulled the trigger, only to shoot out flowers. Dazed, Serena scratches her head and pushes him out the window, locking the window after him.

Luna says, "That's what you get for leaving your window unlocked all the time!" The feline waved her paw menacingly, and a new transformation brooch appeared! "Now," began Luna, "This is your new transformation brooch. Simply call out 'Moon Starlight Power!' and you will transform." Excited to be fightin' evils after so long, she transformed and found her outfit not quite what she expected it to be.

"LUNAAA!" the blonde whined, tugging at her sailor outfit. "WHAT THE---?!" Her new outfit was puke green and blood red, her least favorite colors. "I look like puke mixed with period blood! What's your problem, Luna?" but before Luna could respond, the mysterious figured blasted her with TURTLES! Screaming, she grabbed Luna and shouted "Moon Puke Action!" and puke, the color of her gross uniform, splattered on the figure.

Suddenly, Sailor Mercury appeared and did a garbage attack. "Luna, what the hell? Why are we all so... gross?"

Sailor Mars popped up, and explained. "You see, it's apparently because our next enemy person is some health nut." She paused, tapping her chin. "... which is why I wonder why that masked man is eating bacon."

Now that someone has caught onto him, he hides the bacon beneath his cloak and says "Yes, we are health nuts! TOOTHPASTE POWER! BRUSH YOUR TEEEEEEEEEETH!" Suddenly, an army of toothbrushes coated in toothpaste advanced towards the scouts.

Sailor Mars shouted, "IT'S TOOTHBRUSHES GET IN THE CAR!" and so they all got into Sailor Uranus's car and sped off.

"Now Luna," said Uranus, "you should really explain this a little more! What are our new attack phrases?" Before Luna could respond, giant-sized toothbrushes came out of nowhere. Then, it started raining acid toothpaste. The girls tried to run, but were bound by industrial strength floss. Then suddenly, carrots started to get thrown at the girls' faces, so they began to scream at Luna because she wasn't saying anything. It was then that they found out that Luna was a MAN.


	2. The First Death

Previously…

_It was then that they found out that Luna was a MAN._

_~*~_

**Chapter Two**

Artemis cried like a little girl.

Everyone else stopped to ponder how the hell Diana came into being. The cats told them Diana fell out of the sky like Chibi-Usa.

"My cat is gay!" Venus wailed loudly. "I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLEEEE!!"

Jupiter said to Venus, "Of course it is. Anything's possible, girl."

"BUT HOW DID LUNA MAKE SUCH A GIRL VOICE?!" Moon proceeded to screech. "DOES. NOT. COMPUTE."

"How did you become a sailor?" Mars asked Moon, rolling her eyes. There she was, again with the crybaby thing. "How do we each have a brooch and pen? How are we able to do these attacks? Magic... same explanation for the girl voice." She looked down at Luna, frowning.

Luna responded, "Well, you see, I was going to become a woman, so I took hormones and made my voice lighter. But then I changed my mind. So now I'm stuck looking like a female with the boy parts."

Chibi-Usa scratched her head, looked up at Sailor Moon and said, "If that was how Diana was made, then was that how I was made?"

Moon stared down at Chibi-Usa, the gears in her brain producing loud sounds of protest as she thought. "Uuuh ... MAMO-CHAN DID YOU HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH SETSUNA?!"

Setsuna froze time, slapped Usagi hard in the face, and then made time go back to normal. "That's what you get for accusing me of doing something ridiculous," Setsuna mumbled to herself.

"THAT WASN'T NICE," Usagi continued to wail. "WHY ELSE WOULD CHIBIUSA HAVE RED EYES?!!"

"Because she's possessed by the Devil Wiseman!" a random person shouted.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY THAT ABOUT MY KID?!" Usagi continued to wail.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Rei smacked her upside the head, knocking her out. "Much better, no?"

"No!" Usagi cried. Rei slaps her again. "Ow, what the hell was that for?"

"My pimp hand is strong!"

"No it's not! YOU'RE NOT A PIMP!" Usagi wailed more. Rei proceeded to beat her with her pimp cane. Turns out, she was a pimp after all. Rei screams at Usagi to stop crying. "Tears aren't currency I can use... unless I bottle them up and sell them on Ebay. I want my money, bitch!"

"Uh, what's happening here?" Makoto asks Ami. No reply comes. She turns her head to the side to find Ami poking and prodding at Luna. "What are you doing?!"

"I WANT PROOF THAT THIS CAT WAS A MAN!" the blue-haired girl screams in return. Rei pauses in beating Usagi to stare at Ami before resuming her attempts at getting her money. "She was turned into a cat by the aliens," Ami concludes.

"... there's aliens?" Makoto asked.

"What the hell do you think we are?!" Minako snapped.

"Magical fairies?"

Minako whacked Makoto over the head with a nearby stick. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN?! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE DUMB BLONDE!" Ami continued to prod at Luna whilst Rei kept attacking Usagi. Makoto, hating getting beaten up by a dumb blonde, punched the bitch right in her face.

"OH MY NOSE!" Minako gripped onto the bleeding, quite broken, part of her face. "SO MUCH FOR MY PLASTIC SUGERY!" Everyone paused what they were doing to stare, wide-eyed, at her.

"You went under the knife?" Usagi awed, although she was rather beaten herself.

"Like, of course!" Minako replied. "How else could I look this perfect?"

Makoto, pissed off that her friend was a plastic bitch, punched her in the chest. "Let's see if these are real."

"OUCH I'M GONNA GET BREAST CANCERRRRR"

"You plastic Barbie whore!" Makoto snapped. "YOU TRAITOR!"

"Well, we all know you're a guy in disguise," Minako shot back.

"Oh yeah. Prove it, bitch."

Rei sighed annoyedly. There was no other way. "Proof," she said before swiftly kicking Makoto's crotch with her high heel.

Makoto wailed loudly, groping at her injured crotch. Her voice hitched up an octave as she yelled at Rei. "What the shit?!"

"You asked us to prove it," Rei replied, shrugging.

"W-Why is everyone suddenly not their original gender?!" Usagi cried. "ANYONE ELSE HAVE SOMETHING THEY WANNA CONFESS?!"

Everyone stared Usagi down. "What about you?" they pried in unison.

"M-me?" she whimpered.

"Yeah, you!" Rei jabbed a finger at her.

"I didn't do anything! I've always been a girl!" Usagi screamed at her friends.

"Really? I swear I heard your parents talking all hush hush about whether they should raise you as a girl or boy when you were born ..." Minako piped in.

"No. That was about my little brother that's hardly mentioned... sister... that annoying thing that lives in my house." Usagi mumbled out at the end.

All of a sudden, they heard a loud crash. Running to see what it was they stopped short, gapping at the scene.

"Oh my God, they killed Chibi-Usa!" Usagi cried out, although deep down inside she was quite happy.

Diana pointed a paw at them, "You bastards!"


	3. Chaos Emerges

Previously…

_"Oh my God, they killed Chibi-Usa!" Usagi cried out, although deep down inside she was quite happy._

_Diana pointed a paw at them, "You bastards!"_

_~*~_

Chapter Three

"What is this, some crappy American cartoon?!" Rei snapped. "... although all that pink did give me a headache ..."

Ami nodded in agreement.

"Yours too, smart one!"

Ami went off to sulk emo-style in the corner.

Rei, so pissed off at Ami's emo-ness, started muttering a chant to kill her. Ami squeaked and shoved Minako into Rei. Minako let out a manly yelp as she fell onto Rei. Rei let loose her death spell and watched Minako fall to the floor lifeless.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rei screamed at the top of her lungs, hoping to deafen all those around her. "WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN AMI? OR THAT BITCH USAGI AND HER GOD DAMN ANNOYING BRAT OF A KID!"

Usagi looked at Rei and poked her, "Ummm... Chibi-Usa is already dead... duh!"

Rei ran over to Minako and gently picked her up. "No... my lover."

They all stared at her, until Haruka coughed and cried, "All this we could've been having fun!"  
Michiru blushed, and Rei stared blankly at her.

"... You just stop that," Makoto remarked, shaking her head at Haruka. "I---just ew, EW."

"TERRIBLE MENTAL IMAGES!" Usagi wailed.

"Please," Haruka scoffed. "You know it turns all of you on." All of the girls looked down at their pants, not saying a word. Haruka was right. Haruka grabbed Michiru around the waist and led her away. "Come on, Michiru. Let's go have some fun."

Rei hesitated for a moment before running after them. "I'M JOINING THE FUN!" Everyone stared at her as she ran off.

"... Terrible, terrible mental images," Usagi muttered unhappily. The remaining girls nodded sadly in agreement.

Makoto coughed, "Reminds me of all the times with my old boyfriends." She spaced out, smiling at whatever creepy images floated into her head.

Ami cried, "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... NO ONE EVER LOVED ME!"

"Shut up, Ami." Luna said, now in a deep masculine voice without the British accent.

"You're really giving me the creeps, Luna," Usagi shuddered. "Oh gawd, can't you go back to the girl voice thing?"

"Okay... Usagi I have had to watch you change," Luna yelled in her manly voice and everyone shuddered. "So give me a friggin' break." Suddenly Haruka, Michiru, and Rei walked out of a house all disheveled.

The others cocked their eyebrows. "What happened...?" Minako asked, trailing off. "Actually," she added, shaking her head vigorously, "I don't want to know."

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" Rei wailed loudly, running up and glomping Minako.

"... Why would I be dead?" Minako asked, confused. Everyone looked towards where Minako had supposedly collapsed. Yep, that was a body there.

"Wait, if you're Minako, who's that?!" Usagi wailed.

Minako frowned and slowly edged toward the body. Kneeling down, she gently poked it, repeatedly. Rei followed and nudged it with her foot. "WTF..." she muttered. "This is trippy!"

"OHGAWD is it my evil twin maybe?!" Minako shrieked.

"What if YOU'RE the evil twin?" Makoto pointed out. Everyone gasped, and Artemis made the DUN DUN DUUUN sound for effect. Luna banged Artemis on the head for his SFX.

"Wait," Ami cried. "I though Usagi and Minako were twins!"

Everyone looked around, no sign of Usagi. Suddenly... a loud cackling was heard. Minako was standing there, cracking up. She pointed towards the dead body. "That's Usagi! I killed her because everyone loves her so much more than me. Finally, everyone will know that Sailor Venus was the dominant one! After all, I was the star of Codename Sailor V, bitches!" Minako continued her crazed cackling.

"No one even cares about that series!" Makoto snapped.

"I just want people to love me! Why you gotta ruin my dream, tranny?!" Minako snapped back at Makoto. Makoto burst into tears and ran to cry in the corner.

"Why can't we all just be friends?!" Usagi wailed.

"Ahhhh!!!!" Rei jumped back, "You're alive Usagi? I thought Minako killed you and that's how we started this whole debate."

"Maybe she's a ghost?" Setsuna said.

"I'm the damn main character of the series, I can't die!" Usagi replied confidently. Rei muttered something about "we'll see about that" under her breath.

"What'd you say, bitch!?" Usagi screamed, and then pimp slapped Rei, in a strange turn of events... which also hurt her hand in the process.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Rei roared, promptly pimp-slapping Usagi back. Rei's pimp hand was strong, for it sent Usagi stumbling a few feet.

"CAT FIGHT! Where's the popcorn?" Haruka screamed. Michiru and Setsuna had to hold her back from joining.

"Wait! If people are getting hurt, I must join them!" Ami jumped into the fight... of course getting her ass kicked.

"How are those brains helping you now?" Usagi swung random punches with her eyes closed.

"That's not how you do it!" Makoto shouted, jumping in and promptly whooping everyone's asses.

Suddenly, Hotaru showed up. "Shut up before I really kill all of you!" Everyone stopped and stared at her.

"Hey shut up Hotaru!" Haruka yelled. Hotaru's eyes began to glow and she sent a projectile towards Haruka. Barely dodging it, Haruka jumped out of the way.

"Oh no!" A nerdy voice cried out.

"Umino?" A young lady with a creepy Boston accent in Japan called out.

"WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH AN UNGODLY ACCENT, WOMAN?!" Makoto bellowed in her man-voice.

"Why are you a guy trying to play as a girl?" Naru replied, frowning at her.

Makoto threw Naru over to Umino's dying (dead?) body. "SHUT UP! DRESSING IN DRAG MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!"

"Naruuuuu!" Usagi wailed, running to her friend.

"Bitch, why you tryin' to help me?" Naru scowled, standing up and dusting herself off like nothing happened. "You ditched me for this tranny whores!"

"Hey! The only tranny whore here is me." Minako snarls at Naru. All of a sudden, Naru turns into the enemy they all had been dreading, Chaos.

"Holy shit." Usagi said while her mouth hung agape.


	4. A Good Try

Previously…

_All of a sudden, Naru turns into the enemy they all had been dreading, Chaos._

_"Holy shit." Usagi said while her mouth hung agape._

_~*~_

Chapter Four

"This is what you get for neglecting her!" Rei snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Usagi. "Everyone, kill her to satisfy Chaos!"

"SACRIFICE!" Ami cried out and pulled out a large knife. Handing to Rei, Ami cried, "Since you two hate each other for some unknown reason, Rei will have the first stab! Makoto and Haruka, please hold her still."

"Don't worry, Usagi," Makoto assured her as she pinned her against a wall. "You're the main character. You can't die forever, at least that's what you said."

Rei stabbed Usagi in the chest. "Et tú, Rei?"

Minako stood off to the side, attempting to think. "... so ... if she dies ... that means we can ALL HAVE HAPPY ROMANCES AND NOT PICK THAT IDIOT OVER OUR OWN LOVE LIVES!" she cheered. "WE'RE FREE TO LOVE! PEACE, LOVE, AND ROCK 'N' ROLL!!!!"

"What ... the hell," Setsuna remarked.

"FINALLY! GROUP ORGY!" Haruka pulled everyone into a circle.

"I DON'T SWING THAT WAY," Ami screamed, pushing everyone away from herself before running off to her own little area.

"... Prude," Haruka huffed.

"I do, though." Michiru said. Haruka took Michiru by the waist and pulled her into a deep kiss. Everyone stared at the happy couple. It was quiet for once... until Chaos roared loudly.

"Bitch, you don't satisfy me!" she screamed as she threw Usagi's half eaten body against a wall. "I want more!"

"Uh ... maybe we should do something about ... that..." Minako pointed at Chaos.

"Damn... well Chibi-Usa is already dead." Rei pondered. "Any other annoying characters we can kill off?"

"Er," Makoto looked around. "This?" She brought out Chibi Chibi from nowhere.

"I guess she'll have to do." Rei sighed, but speedily pulled out torture weapons. "Mwahahaha. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Chibi Chibi?"

"Wait, hasn't anyone ever hear of the rule that you can't kill children off in a kid's show?" Ami replied.

"Okay, I don't care if you were the most popular character or not, bitch, get out!" Rei screamed as she threw Ami at Chaos.

"Well there goes our brain in the group." Makoto frowned.

"So much for strategizing," Minako sighed. "Who's the next smartest person? MOREOVER, WHO'S OUR NEW LEADER?!"

Rei stood up. "Well, of course it's gonna be me. I'm the Lancer, which makes me the logical choice."

"Um..." Minako said, pointing to the TV Tropes link. "I can be the Lancer too. I am in the manga at least."

Haruka yelled at the two of them. "When has anything in this story made any sense?!"

"Well," Minako continued, shooting a glare at Haruka. "I'm also the technical leader of ... uh, us as a fighting team when that idiot wasn't around. So, obviously, it'd be me who steps up to take the spot of supreme leader." She nodded surely to herself.

Rei looked at Makoto, "Should we kill her too?"

Makoto cracked her knuckles, a dark grin crossing her face. "I'm in for it. Anyone else wanna join...?"

Haruka, getting tired of hearing Minako's bullshit, kicked the bitch in the back of the knee. "Well, I'm good. You girls go to town on her."

Rei cackled, "I've waited a long time for this!" Minako, who was down on the ground, heard the familiar rumbling of a chainsaw.

"I thought you loved me, Rei," Minako sniffed pathetically, successfully distracting the others from the chainsaw rumbling noise.

Rei smirked evilly at her. "Are you kidding? I'd kill you for a Klondike bar!" She then cut Minako into bite-sized pieces and fed her remains to Chaos.

Makoto looked up at Chaos, "Is that good enough home slice?"

"Word." Chaos disappeared, leaving Umino's dead body behind.

"We should totally chill with Chaos sometime," Rei remarked idly. "Seems like a cool dude once ... y'know, the whole killing urge isn't around."

All of them heard a sudden pop! "Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why'd you guys sacrifice me????" Twitching they turned to see Meatball Head once again alive.

"Damn." Rei muttered.


	5. A New Senshi?

_Previously…_

_All of them heard a sudden pop! "Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why'd you guys sacrifice me????" Twitching they turned to see Meatball Head once again alive._

_"Damn." Rei muttered._

_~*~_

Chapter Five

"Oh, hell," Haruka sighed, shaking her head.

"Right, now I know I heard a chainsaw earlier, who's the person that was carrying that thing around? We could use that thing right now!" Makoto remarked, looking around.

Rei hands Makoto the chainsaw while muttering under her breath, "Not like it'll do us any good. She dies every season and then gets resurrected somehow. Apparently, moon princesses can't die."

"Anyone have the power to strip her of her title and powers?" Ami asked, quite recovered from the verbal bashing she received earlier. "If I'm correct, we can usurp her throne, right?"

Michiru looked over at Ami. "I thought we fed you to Chaos as well?"

"Don't you know? No one ever dies permanently in this series," Ami replied. Everyone frowned at this before huddling together, ostracizing Ami.

"How do we keep them dead?" Haruka hissed quietly. "They're like roaches! They just won't die!"

Hotaru glanced over at the others. "I have an idea. If we speak with the creators of this story, we may just be able to convince them to permanently kill off others."

Michiru shook her head. "Hotaru, you know we can't break the fourth wall. Only Sailor Moon has that ability, and that's only in her Sailor Says segment.

"Well, that's not fair," Hotaru huffed.

"It's because she's the main character," Makoto muttered unhappily. "Hey, how about we all just gang up on her at once and keep going until there's nothing left?"

Setsuna stepped in, "How about we just lock them away... far, far, FAR away."

Haruka rubbed her hands together, concocting a plan. "I like it." Everyone let out a collective evil chuckle together.

In the background, Usagi shivered, chills being sent down her spine at the sound. "G-guys...? What are you planning...?" As everyone turned to face her, evil glints in their eyes, she began to sweat in fear. "C'mon guys ... we're ... friends, right...? Hehe...?"

Ami pulled out massive rolls of duct tape, "Can I help?"

"Maybe we should kill Ami more often, she gets cooler each time." Haruka smirked. They all quickly ganged up on Usagi and duct taped her to a pole they managed to find.

"BURN THE WITCH!" Minako shouted, pointing at Usagi dramatically.

"What's that?" Rei asked, already lighting a match as Michiru and Haruka doused Usagi in gasoline.

Usagi screamed and began to cry, "Mamoru, why won't you help me?"

"To tell you the truth... I'm madly in love with Ami." Ami blushed and looked at Mamoru.

A shoe began to tap impatiently, "Excuse me?"

"Eh he he Rei, no hard feelings right?" He began to back away from her.

"Tie him up too!" Rei commanded. "Cheating bastard!"

"On it!" Makoto jumped up and promptly beat him unconscious. She and Minako quickly tied him to another pole.

"BUT I'M CARRYING HIS CHILD!" Ami wailed. Everyone stared at her. She laughed nervously. "... I lied."

"Wait... just wait a frickin' minute." Hotaru screamed. "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON???? Does this mean that Chibi-usa was Ami's child all along and that Usagi just kidnapped or what?"

"Yes," Setsuna replied. "The only difference is that we incorporated a few very important parts of Sailor Moon into her as an embryo, and then planted into Usagi's uterus."

"Oh... so that's why it was glowing one day. I thought someone else was having a baby." Usagi said.

"EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SUCH A LIE!" Hotaru wailed. "When did things get this messed up?!"

Rei clenched both fists, "Its Sailor Moon, everything is messed up! For instance, when Fiore was here, you all thought he was crushing on Mamoru, when he was actually with me."

Minako stood there and gaped, "What. The. HELL??"

Makoto clapped her hands over her ears. "I can't listen to any more of this stuff!! It's too weird!"

"... Who's Fiore?" Haruka asked, quirking a brow.

"Beats me," Michiru replied, shrugging. "Hey, Rei, are we going to burn them already or what?" She jabbed a thumb at the tied up Usagi and Mamoru.

"Are we even allowed to do that? I mean, they're supposed to be in charge of it in like a thousand years or something." Ami inquired.

Makoto laughed her off. "Of course we can. It's a psychobilly freakout!"

"Screw the future! The world is supposed to be ending in 2012 anyway." Haruka cracked her knuckles, cackling she tossed a match onto the gas.

"... Man you are extremely awesome," Makoto awed at Haruka.

"Tch, you know it," Haruka smirked, completely unfazed by the ungodly screams of pain from the burning mass behind her.

Michiru wrapped an arm around Haruka. "A shame that she's mine."

Makoto held up her hands, her fingers like claws. "Let's bring it, bitch. I'll fight you for her."

Michiru, ready to defend her lover until the end, did the same thing as she lunged for Makoto. Both of them tore at each other's hair, clawed up their opponent's arms and legs, and even bit each other somewhere...?

Haruka separated the two battered women. "Ladies... there's enough of me to go around."

"Haruka's a pimp." Rei said and Haruka popped her collar.

"Heck yes I am." Makoto and Michiru both stopped fighting each other.

"So I'm just your ho???" Michiru had flames in her eyes and cornered Haruka.

Haruka grinned nervously. "Hey, you'll always be my number one!" Michiru hissed before lunging at her partner.

"CAT FIIIIIGGGHHHT!" Minako yelled. A small crowd gathered from out of nowhere.

Rei gave a sideways glance to Makoto. "I always thought that Haruka was the one more prone to violence."

Makoto shrugged and muttered back, "It's always the quiet ones..." Rei and Makoto sent a glance at Ami, suddenly very weary of the quiet girl.

"WHEN DID THEY LOSE THE CLOTHES?!" Minako shrieked suddenly. "O-OHGAWD ... this isn't a fight anymore folks! COVER YOUR VIRGIN EYES!" Ami screamed and hide for cover.

Rei turned to Minako and Makoto, blocking out... the "fight". "So umm who is gonna be the supreme ruler of Crystal Tokyo now?"

A flash of light blinded all the girls, "Cool, I'm human again!"

They turned to see Luna, in human form, dressed as Sailor Moon. "What. The. Hell."


	6. Going Psycho

Previously…

_A flash of light blinded all the girls, "Cool, I'm human again!"_

_They turned to see Luna, in human form, dressed as Sailor Moon. "What. The. Hell."_

_~*~_

Chapter Six

"... I did not see this coming," Makoto mused, shaking her head. "WHAT A TWIST!"

"Ohoho," Luna laughed. "I NO LONGER MUST LOOK UP AT YOU PEOPLE ANYMORE!"

"Luna, what the hell?" Rei screamed at her.

"Hey, I wonder if she still has cat-like tendencies" Haruka asked the girls. Her eyes led to Michiru... "Well, dear?"

"Deep Submerge!" Michiru aimed the attack right at Luna.

Luna let out a horrific shriek before running up the nearest tree. "YOU WHORE!" she screamed from where she was perched.

Michiru looked at Ami. "Care to join me?"

Ami nodded. "Of course. Shine Aqua Rhapsody!"

"THIS IS HOW I"M REPAID FOR MAKING YOU ALL SOLDIERS?!" Luna screeched as she clung desperately to the tree.

Setsuna buried her face into her hands, "What the hell happened to us that made us this way?"

Hotaru consoled her friend, "Becoming senshi?"

"Are you kidding me? I've always been messed up." Haruka started cackling.

"I was leading a perfectly quiet life at the Time Gates, quite happy to just sit and observe..." Setsuna muttered, shaking her head sadly. "And then I met you messed up people..."

Minako let out a loud shriek, drawings everyone's attention to her (and also stopping Haruka's scary cackling in the process). "IT LIVESSSS!"

"What lives?" Rei asked.

"CHIBI-USA!"

"Hi guys!" Chibi-usa tilted her head and smiled.

"B-but how??" Makoto cried, they all looked at Ami.

Ami cracked an innocent smile. "I told you I was pregnant."

Chibi-usa ran to her mom. "You are so much better than Usagi!"

"KILL THEM BOTH WITH FIRE!" Rei shouted, pointing at them furiously.

"... Why is that the solution to everything?" Setsuna mushroom-sighed off to the side. Hotaru nodded safely in agreement.

"It seems everyone besides us has gone crazy ..." Hotaru remarked sadly.

Setsuna gave Hotaru a grave look. "You know what that means? It means that we will be next. Hotaru, listen carefully. If I start to go, I need you to destroy me along with the other senshi. Do you understand?"

Hotaru, a little unnerved by this morbid request, nodded.

"Good girl. Now, go break up the fights." As Hotaru walked away, Setsuna shook her head. "Such strange children..." With that, she opened up the Time Portal and teleported herself out of there, leaving Hotaru all alone.

When Hotaru spun around to ask a question and realized Setsuna was gone, she fell to her knees, throwing her hands into the air.

"WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYY??!!!!" her anguished cry echoed through the chaos, causing everyone to shut up and stare at her.

"Whoa," Makoto said quietly, but loud enough so all the other (still living) senshi could hear.

Chibi-Usa ran over to console her friend. "It's okay to be scared, Hotaru. After all, we're all quite mad here." She gave her friend a comforting, but downright creepy smile.

"... Y-you ... you devil child ... you are like the spawn of Barney and Teletubbies and all the evil of this world," Hotaru muttered darkly, moving away from Chibi-Usa. "I must ... I must..."

"... Must what?" Haruka asked, quirking her eyebrow in question.

"I must destroy you all before you conquer me, before I fall victim to your insanity." Hotaru finished.

Haruka shook her head at Saturn. "Hotaru, it's too late. By killing us, you're only proving how insane you really are. After all, what sane person obliterates her closest friends?"

"But this ... this is for the good of the world," Saturn continued to murmur to herself. "By ridding it of your insanity, everyone else will be spared ... and then..."

"Then what?" Minako asked, wide-eyed.

"DO NOT QUESTION ME!" Minako hit a brick wall with a loud 'Bang!' "Ow...." The senshi of love slumped to the ground.

"Protect us Sailor Moon!" Rei pushed Luna who was now dressed as Sailor Moon, in front of them all.

"I'M NOT THE REAL SAILOR MOON!" Luna shrieked.

"You dress like Sailor Moon, then you are Sailor Moon!" Rei snapped.

The argument didn't have much more time to progress, as Saturn had successfully sent her flying into a lamppost.

"… You're the ones who raised her, so fix her," Makoto gave a dark stare at Haruka and Michiru.

"You know, Setsuna had a hand in that too. And now she's abandoned us," Haruka replied with a grim look on her face. Her eyes turned to Michiru. "What do you think we should do?"

Michiru shook her head. "I honestly don't know. She just needs a bit of time to absorb this... sooner or later, she'll realize that she's no different than the rest of us."

Hotaru's eye twitched a bit. "You know, I _am_ here. I can hear everything you're saying." Haruka and Michiru paid her no mind as they shook their heads despairingly.

"I think if we just let her blow off some steam and get used to this, she'll be just fine," Michiru continued. "Really, it couldn't hurt."

"... Or she might just drop that glaive of hers on the ground and kill everything," Haruka mused.

"Welp, let's kill her first!" Minako cheered, fully recovered from her impact into a wall. Hotaru let out a pathetic squeak at the suggestion.

"I'm going to hate saying this, but... maybe we shouldn't have killed Usagi." Rei muttered, dodging Hotaru's crazed blows. "Hey! Watch it with that thing!"

"Well since our Sailor Moon plan failed, our next best option is Chibi-usa." Makoto shoved her into the ring with Hotaru. " Do some damage before she kills you!"

"B-but I'm just an annoying comic relief character!" Chibi-usa squealed.

"You can do it!" Minako cheered.

"I HAVE NO HARMFUL ATTACKSSS!" Chibi-usa cried. "I HAVE A FREAKING STICK THAT SHOOTS OUT PINK HEARTS AND A USELESS BELL!"

"... You'll figure out something," Rei remarked, waving her hand dismissively.

"Who wants to go get some tea?" Makoto questioned cheerfully.

"Sounds good to me." Haruka commented, as the others nodded.

"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Chibi-usa cried trying to run after them.

"Not so fast." Hotaru grabbed Chibi-usa by the throat.

Everyone ignored the rather pained screams coming from the battle area, chatting cheerfully amongst themselves.

"WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME?!" Chibi-usa wailed.


	7. What A Twist!

Previously…

_"Who wants to go get some tea?" Makoto questioned cheerfully._

_"Sounds good to me." Haruka commented, as the others nodded._

_"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Chibi-usa cried trying to run after them. _

_"Not so fast." Hotaru grabbed Chibi-usa by the throat._

_Everyone ignored the rather pained screams coming from the battle area, chatting cheerfully amongst themselves._

_"WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME?!" Chibi-usa wailed._

_~*~_

Chapter Seven

Once all the screams died down, they all put down their cups of tea, still chatting away. "Um, guys," Minako quietly piped in, "maybe someone should take a look at the carnage out there."

"Why? Is it bad?" Rei questioned. Minako's grimace said it all.

Haruka rolled her eyes. "Well, that's one down." She leaned in toward all the others and whispered so Minako couldn't hear. "Five bucks on Minako being next."

"Why bet?" Rei shoved Minako outside. The blonde girl pounded on the door. "We believe in you!"

"I'M SAILOR V! HOW DARE YOU TOSS ME OUT!" Minako screeched. "Take this! Sailor V KICK!"

Everyone watched as she tried to kick out the glass on one of the windows. Sadly, this particular place had their windows knocked out so often they'd gone to reinforced glass. Minako's foot hit the window rather uselessly and she ended up hopping around in pain.

"Damn it! This never happens in Sailor Moon Abridged!" Minako shouted at them. Unfortunately, the Plexiglas was so thick, they couldn't hear a thing she said.

"Speak up, Mutey!" Rei screamed at her.

Ami shrugged and said. "Ironic. My portrayal in the abridged version is the mute one. She's the dumb blonde."

Makoto snapped her head back toward Ami. "I thought Usagi was the dumb blonde? There's more than one?" Ami nodded slowly. "Damn."

"Aw, would ya lookit that, she's crying," Haruka commented, staring at Minako's bawling form. "It's kinda cute in a twisted, horrible sort of way."

Michiru tossed her a glare. "Who's cute?"

"... You are, of course. And very lovely, too."

Michiru shot Haruka an "Of-course-I-am" look. Haruka just shrugged it off and draped her arm around her love.

Minako, still pounding at the window, screamed with all her might, "PLEASE! HOTARU'S GOING TO KILL ME! WHY WON'T ANY OF YOU BITCHES HELP ME?!" She stopped suddenly when she felt that _something_ was behind her. She turned her head slowly to see Hotaru standing there, glaive in hand.

It didn't help Minako feel any better when she noted Hotaru's eyes, shadowed by her bangs, seemed to be glowing an eerie red.

"... Fuck," Minako squeaked. "HAVE MERCY! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU COMMAND ME TO, OH GREAT ONE!" She promptly fell to her knees and began to bow before Hotaru.

"Sorry, but you're as crazy as the rest of them." Hotaru said in a voice unlike her own. She penetrated Minako's tender flesh, eviscerating the poor thing. "Trust me. This is good for you."

"... Guys, I think we should do something about her," Rei mused, not even glancing at the gore happening right outside. "It's kinda getting out of hand."

"What can we do?" Makoto frowned. "She just sliced and diced Minako like she was butter."

Haruka stood up. "Well then, we just take the knife out of her hands. Or in this case, a glaive."

"Isn't she the most powerful one out of all of us?" Makoto asked.

"There are four of us and one of her. We'll be okay." Rei replied. "Let's go!"

"Right then, all at once?" Michiru asked.

"Works for me," Haruka cracked her knuckles, grinning.

The four of them burst out of the shop and surrounded Hotaru. "Time to level you, bitch."

"Yeah, no one gets away with killing my blonde princess!" Makoto yelled. Everyone stared at her and then went back to their business, not too surprised by it.

Haruka muttered, "I thought you went lezbo for Rei, not Minako. And besides, Minako's not a princess. Usagi is."

Makoto, her hands picking up the remnants of Minako's entrails, turned to everyone with tears in her eyes. "We're all princesses of our home planets."

Hotaru's eyes narrowed dangerously as a heavy silence fell over the group. Behind them, a small crowd gathered, watching as a tumbleweed blew by. Someone pulled out an instrument and began to play some showdown music for this epic battle.

"SHUT THE HELL UP OVER THERE!" Haruka snapped, spinning around to glare at the offender, who squawked and ran away.

Hotaru directed her gaze toward Makoto. "If you are her lover, you can die beside her."

Haruka and Michiru exchanged looks for a minute. "This is sounding vaguely familiar. Sailor Galaxia, perhaps?"

"... Does it really matter?" Haruka sighed. "Let's just get this over with!"

"RIGHT!" the group said in a resounding yell. Makoto tackled Hotaru to the ground, trying to wrestle the glaive out of the emo senshi's grip. Hotaru, in response, bit Makoto's hand, drawing blood.

"SHE'S A VAMPIRE!" Makoto shrieked, leaping away. "SOMEONE FETCH THE HOLY WATERRRR!"

Rei came over with part of a wooden table leg. "I'll do you one better!" she screamed as she staked Hotaru through the heart.

"That was ... a bit anti-climatic," Ami muttered. "A bit too easy..."

"You're right," Luna remarked from her hiding spot up in the tree. "You see, that wasn't the real Hotaru."


	8. The Cat's Meow

_Previously…_

_"That was ... a bit anti-climatic," Ami muttered. "A bit too easy..."_

_"You're right," Luna remarked from her hiding spot up in the tree. "You see, that wasn't the real Hotaru."_

_~*~_

Chapter Eight

"Of course it wasn't. So, the real Hotaru wouldn't want to hurt my Minako...chan...?" Makoto turned to see her lover's remains slowly evaporate into thin air. "What the hell is going on here?"

Michiru looked around and the dead bodies of her fallen comrades. "Are we really the last four left?"

"Looks like it," Haruka mused, scratching her head.

Rei frowned. "Hey, whatever happened to that weird-ass new enemy we were facing earlier?"

Haruka pondered that for a minute before responding, "I think that when it saw how eagerly we were to sacrifice our fellow members, it got too scared and left."

Michiru asked, "So, now that it's just the four of us left, what are we going to do?"

"Hm, we could take over the world." Rei scratched her chin, pondering this idea.

"We're supposed to protect the world though." Ami cried.

"We never get to be the bad guys, besides if we rule the world, we can make sure everyone is safe." Rei smiled, everyone nodding in agreement. "Besides Usagi was gonna end up doing the same thing."

"... Well, I guess I can't argue with that," Ami shrugged. "How should we go about this?" Rei paused to think over the matter.

Makoto looked over at Ami. "Wait a sec. I thought you were dead. It was Haruka, Rei, Makoto, and I left."

Rei raised an eyebrow. "No, we just ignored Ami the entire time since she's useless half the time. Plus, Luna's still alive, so--" A loud screech, like nails down a chalkboard, resonated in the senshi's ears.

Ami turned toward the sound. "What in the world?" She looked over to see Haruka standing beside the dead Hotaru-like thing, but another body was added to the carnage. Luna, who had previously been perched upon her tree branch, was now impaled with the same wooden table leg. Though it was splintered by now, Luna was still dead, or at the best, bleeding to death.

All eyes turned to Haruka. "What? I didn't do anything."

"... Sure looks like you did," Makoto remarked. "But since it's Luna no one really cares." Luna let out a gurgling protest in response before finally kicking the bucket.

Rei looked at the girls. "So, there are only five of us."

"Make that six," Artemis said, slowly making his way toward the girls.

"Where the hell have you been all this time?" Haruka asked.

"Hiding from the bloodbath," he replied, warily keeping a good distance from them.

"... Fair enough."

"You can be our evil pet!" Rei cackled, rubbing her hands together, "Everyone in the land shall fear you... now you just need some steroids."

Artemis twitched. "Riiiiiiiight..." _I'm gonna make sure that I don't eat or drink anything they give me._ "So, where's Minako?"

Makoto slowly raised a finger and pointed it in Minako's general direction. A startled Artemis pounced over to the girl, who hardly resembled her living self.

"Damn," he finally said after surveying the damage. "What did you girls do to her?"

"That was all Hotaru's work," Michiru replied.

"She's pretty good with that glaive of hers, eh?" Haruka remarked.

"You must be proud." Makoto remarked.

"That was our little girl." Haruka wiped away a tear.

Artemis looked at the five remaining senshi. "So, what do we do now, girls?"

"We do what we try and do every night ... TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Makoto cackled. Everyone turned wary eyes to her.

"We've never tried that," Ami mused quietly.

"Maybe we should! After all, the people should fear us, for we are the most wicked Senshi of all!" Rei cackled loudly.

Artemis backed up a few steps. "Okay... anybody have any other ideas?"

"We could take over the universe!" Haruka cracked.

"But, uh, wouldn't all the other sailors of the universe gang up to try and stop us?" Ami asked. She was the voice of reason, after all.

"Pshaw, we're the strongest ones in the universe; who's gonna stop us?" Rei scoffed.

"Right, so I guess we should get started." Makoto cracked her knuckles, "Let's get cracking."

"So... um how do we take over the world?" Michiru looked at each of them. "Should we acquire minions first?"

"Minions make it sloppy," Rei flapped her hand at Michiru. "Look at everyone who's ever used minions against us!"

"It just makes the enemy stronger," Haruka agreed.

"Yeah! Like in video games, they help with leveling up!" Makoto grinned. Artemis cried silently on the inside.

Makoto looked over at Artemis. "What? You don't like the idea, do you?"

Artemis, unsure of whether this was a trap or not, answered honestly. "No, not really. You should really use your powers for the good of the world."

Rei, surprisingly, agreed with him. "We are doing something good for the world: getting rid of a bunch of idiots who don't deserve to live." An evil grin crossed her face. "You're next."

"... Too late, I'll be dead in five seconds," Artemis remarked. "I took a pill when you weren't looking."

"Not fair," Makoto huffed as Artemis let out a rather bird-like squawking sound before keeling over, dead. Rei poked at his body to make sure he was really dead.


	9. Pick The New Leader

Previously…

_An evil grin crossed her face. "You're next."_

_"... Too late, I'll be dead in five seconds," Artemis remarked. "I took a pill when you weren't looking."_

_"Not fair," Makoto huffed as Artemis let out a rather bird-like squawking sound before keeling over, dead. Rei poked at his body to make sure he was really dead._

_~*~_

Chapter Nine

"I guess he couldn't handle the evil here," Michiru said, still watching Rei poke at him.

"Yep," Haruka replied, draping an arm over her lovely Michiru's shoulders, "guess not. Well, look like it's back to the five of us, ready to take over the world. Where do we start?"

"Japan, of course," Rei snorted, punting Artemis's carcass off into the distance. "Then the rest of Asia, then the world."

"It won't be too difficult," Michiru mused. "We are the only defenders of this planet, after all."

Ami kicked the ground, "Um how? Do we launch an attack or something?"

Rei answered, "Well, with the five of us, we can each take over a continent and two to spare. I'll be in charge of Asia, naturally, since I'm the leader. Haruka can--"

"Hold it!" Haruka butted in. "Why do **you** get to be the leader? Who died and put you in charge?" Rei was about to point out the dead bodies, but Haruka waved her hand and interrupted her. "No, no, no. That's not right. We should logically figure out who's the best fit. Obviously no one else on the team was good enough, which is why the five of us are still alive. So, the five of us have the same potential at being in charge, right?"

"Except for Ami." Makoto pointed out.

Ami nodded, "Except for ... Hey! I am quite capable of being a leader."

"Shut it Ami." Haruka growled at her.

"Yes ma'am."

"We can always pull straws," Michiru mused. "That way, it's fair. There's no way of cheating."

Ami twiddled her fingers, "Why don't we all just share or cut it evenly?"

Rei sighed, "Ami, that definitely would end badly. We're all power hungry, except for you of course, so we all would die in the end."

_Of course I know that, you twat,_ Ami thought unhappily. _All of you would off each other and then I'd be supreme ruler!_

Michiru interrupted the two feuding girls. "It's obvious, really, that whoever gets to be leader will just be killed anyway by their power-hungry subordinates."

Haruka replied, "Fine. Put Ami in charge then. She's disposable anyway."

"W-what?!" Ami squeaked. "No, no, I'd be a terrible leader. We'd fail miserably if I was in charge!"

"You never know, she may just have us all killed like Beryl did to the 4 generals." Makoto remarked.

"N-no, the best I could be would be an advisor." Ami blushed

_Gotta keep them from killing me,_ Ami though, keeping up the blushing and shyness. _MUST STAY ALIVE!_

"... rock-paper-scissors?" Haruka offered suddenly. "For leader, that is. We can rotate on a monthly basis."

Rei, seeming a bit down, reluctantly agreed with the idea. "Fine. Rock, paper, scissors... shoot!" She put out rock, crushing Michiru's scissors; however, Makoto covered her hand with paper.

Makoto put on a sly grin. "Looks like it's just you and me, Haruka." They played again, and this time, Haruka put out scissors, hoping that Makoto played with paper as a starter. She was wrong. Makoto always changed up her game, and put out rock instead.

"I'm in charge?" Makoto said, a hint of surprise and excitement leaking through her voice. She fell to her knees, her fists held high above her head in victory. "YES!" Rei's eye twitched. Ami breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, leader of the month, what's our first move?" Haruka asked.

"We go find me hot male slaves!" Makoto cried out. Rei snickered.

"Perhaps we should conquer the world first." Michiru replied impatiently.

"... Oh right," Makoto laughed sheepishly. "Okay then, we take over the government!"

"And just how do you propose we go about that?" Michiru asked.

"Storm into the head building and attack?" Makoto strained to think of a plan; she definitely was NOT the plan maker. She looked at Ami and pouted; sighing, Ami shook her head.

"People don't respect me... duh." She flipped her short blue hair and sat in a dark corner.

For added effect, the area around her darkened as a spotlight shone down on her person while she twirled her index finger on the ground.

Rei whacked her on the head. "MAKE A PLAN NOW OR I WILL TOAST YOUR ASS."

Makoto raised her hands defensively. "Okay, okay... um... we'll hire the Yakuza to take care of the government officials. Then, with the position cleared, we be the good guys and give the country justice. In light of our heroic actions, we take over the government! What do you think?"

"Perfect, but who's gonna fork over the cash for the yakuza?" Rei frowned. Then, suddenly a light bulb popped over both hers and Makoto's heads, and they turned to stare at Haruka and Michiru.

"... Both of you have huge wads of cash you're not using..." Makoto noted.

"But what if the yakuza try to take us over?" Ami stepped in.

"You do realize we would be able to destroy them? I mean its not like we super powers or anything." Haruka cracked.

"Fine. Haruka, Michiru, you guys get the yakuza ready to snipe off our guys." Makoto finished. She turned to Ami and Rei. "I don't know about you, but it's ramen time!"

As the three girls left the lovely couple to themselves, Haruka's smile faded. She turned to Michiru and said, "There's no way that Makoto is better suited for leading than you or I are. I say we turn the yakuza on them."

"Wouldn't that pose a bit of a problem? I mean, you said it yourself that our super powers could overtake them, right?"

Haruka nodded. "That's why while they're busy fighting off the mob there, we'll sneak up behind them and stab them in the back. Literally."

Michiru shifted uncomfortably, unsure of whether this hare-brained scheme was going to work.


	10. The Plan Goes Awry

_Previously…_

_As the three girls left the lovely couple to themselves, Haruka's smile faded. She turned to Michiru and said, "There's no way that Makoto is better suited for leading than you or I are. I say we turn the yakuza on them."_

_"Wouldn't that pose a bit of a problem? I mean, you said it yourself that our super powers could overtake them, right?"_

_Haruka nodded. "That's why while they're busy fighting off the mob there, we'll sneak up behind them and stab them in the back. Literally."_

_~*~_

Chapter Ten

"Okay, I don't trust those two," Rei remarked as she took to walking in the lead instead of Makoto. "I mean, they've turned on us before."

"... But wasn't it for the greater good?" Ami asked.

"Shaddup, you," Rei snapped. "Anyway, I think we should keep our guard up in case they decide to go turncoat on us."

Ami pouted. _Just a little while longer_, she told herself. "Okay, fine."

Rei turned around and glared at her. "You shut up or I'll toast your ass faster than you can say 'bitch, please,'"

_Hang in there,_ Ami chanted to herself. _Just a little while longer and all these fools will kill each other off and then I can be supreme ruler!_

"Perhaps we should make our move quickly," Haruka mentioned.

"Man, the world's going to shit," Setsuna commented to herself from the safety of the Time Gates. "Good thing I'm safe here!" She cackled gleefully to herself as she took a sip of some tropical drink she pit stopped and grabbed.

Haruka walked up to Makoto and whispered into her ear, "Perhaps you should get started on your plan, right?"

Makoto nodded her head. "Come on girls, we've got us a government to overthrow!" The five senshi walked away, departing in different directions. Ami stayed back a bit with Haruka and Michiru, while Rei and Makoto charged for the door. Of course nobody knew that Ami was carefully plotting out her moment to take the spot as leader.

Michiru leaned close to Haruka, "You paid them off already, right?"

"Tch, of course," the blonde scoffed.

Rei and Makoto snuck inside the building only to be ambushed by guards. They defeated them with ease, and Makoto ascended to the throne. But there was one guard they didn't kill yet, who was hiding behind the chair. _When the right moment comes, I'll choke these bitches..._

"And what do you think you're doing, bastard?" Rei asked, leveling a gun she's snatched off a goon earlier at the man hiding behind the chair.

"Where the hell'd you come from?!" he yelped, shocked.

"Hell," she answered, pulling the trigger.

"Rei, you're vicious!" Makoto squeaked, inching away from the carnage.

"Not vicious, Makoto," Rei smirked evilly at her, "Just determined." And with that, she spun the gun around on the princess of Jupiter and squeezed off another one... or two... or the rest of the clip.

"... Is all that gunfire a good sign or bad?" Haruka murmured as she stared up into the building.

"It means we should probably see what's happening," Michiru responded, sighing. "Maybe we overestimated the yakuza?"

Rei inched her way over to the open door, leaning against the wall while keeping the gun at eye level. Should anyone else barge through the door, they'd get a bullet in the head.

Meanwhile, Haruka and Michiru sprinted up the stairs, Ami in tow behind them. They were just inches from the corridor leading to the room where Rei was located…

Haruka stopped, "Maybe we should send a decoy in first." The two spun around only to find that Ami had managed to veer off from behind them at some point and time. "Where'd she go?" Haruka grumbled, casting her eyes in every direction in the hopes of spotting Ami.

Ami barricaded herself inside a closet. _There's no way I'm going in there if someone has a gun. It's probably Rei or Makoto firing it. Maybe they're struggling over it-- oh, pull yourself together, Ami! Not a word, not a sound..._

"There's no way I'm going in without a decoy. I'm sure Rei's got the gun and has trigger finger," Haruka said to her lover. "Rei's not afraid to kill you or I, therefore—"

"—we need a human shield." Michiru reasoned, their minds perfectly in sync with each other. "Oh, Ami... there's nothing to be afraid of. We need your help to take out the bastard that killed Rei and Makoto." She winked at Haruka, and in a more solemn tone, she added, "I saw them myself. Are you going to let him get away with that?" She gave a cunning little smirk as she finished.

"Well... if the mice won't come out to play, then this kitty's gonna have to go chase after them." Rei muttered to herself as she came out of the room, snatching another clip off of one of the dead goons.

Ami suppressed a whimper. As she was the weakest and less prone to violence of them all, she had to keep her wits about her in order to survive this. Maybe she should've just gone with Setsuna when the opportunity arose ... of course, she wasn't about to pop out of her hiding place even with Haruka and Michiru placing the bait for her. Nope, she was too smart for that! _I will outlive them all, _she vowed.

Meanwhile, Rei idly stood before the double doors that would inevitably lead her into a confrontation. "Damn traitors," she muttered darkly. "I'll show their puny asses just why I'm the one representing the planet of war."

"Now what?" Michiru whispered. "She won't come out to save her friends. She must know it's a trick."

"Then we either have to find her by forcing all the doors open or take out Rei ourselves. And I don't know about you, but I'm not about to risk my life fighting a crazy girl with a gun." Haruka finished with a small nod, and they went down the hall, opening up every door there. After about a minute, Michiru approached the closet door containing Ami and yanked the door open.

Further up the hall, Rei brought the gun up and rested it on her shoulder, ready to round the corner. As soon as they let out a scream or any kind of cry for help, she'd forever shut them up.

Ami let out a rather loud shriek that no one really expected her capable of, causing Rei to round the corner and open fire. The blue-haired girl quickly ducked and crawled away from the gunfire as Haruka and Michiru attempted to escape the onslaught of bullets.

Setsuna shook her head and got up from her chair. She opened a vortex and pulled Ami out of the line of fire and into the Time Gate. "Sup." Setsuna pulled her to her feet.


	11. The End?

_Previously…_

_Further up the hall, Rei brought the gun up and rested it on her shoulder, ready to round the corner. As soon as they let out a scream or any kind of cry for help, she'd forever shut them up. _

_Ami let out a rather loud shriek that no one really expected her capable of, causing Rei to round the corner and open fire. The blue-haired girl quickly ducked and crawled away from the gunfire as Haruka and Michiru attempted to escape the onslaught of bullets._

_Setsuna shook her head and got up from her chair. She opened a vortex and pulled Ami out of the line of fire and into the Time Gate. "Sup." Setsuna pulled her to her feet._

_~*~_

Chapter Eleven

Ami was still dazed. "Why, thank you Setsuna!"

"Well, I do need company," Setsuna replied, offering Ami a cup of tea from absolutely nowhere. "Now, sit down and enjoy the show."

"… They're going to kill each other," Ami remarked solemnly, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

"It's better than the TV channels I get here." Setsuna remarked and she pressed a button on her awesome remote. Immediately a split screen appeared with a countdown marker and both Haruka and Michiru warding off the maniacal Rei.

Ami shook her head. "This is just like 24!"

Meanwhile, back at the showdown, Haruka moved in to try and wrestle the gun from Rei's grasp. Rei, with a well-placed shot, managed to hit her opponent in the shoulder. Michiru let out a rather high-pitched shriek at the sight as Haruka dodged for cover to avoid further injury.

"... So, feel up to placing a bet?" Setsuna offered as she took a sip of some tea.

Ami nodded. "How much?"

"I bet you $20 that Haruka will win the fight against Rei at the expense of losing her lover." Setsuna challenged, eyeing the blue-haired girl carefully.

"You're on. Rei still has the gun, and she's pretty strong. I think Rei will kill them both instead." Ami smiled a bit, happy that she was saved from the carnage below.

It was thus rather surprising when Michiru got a sneak attack in on Rei, causing the gun-toting girl to lose her bearings for a moment. Ami was a little afraid she'd be out some of her hard-earned money at this rate. How unfortunate for Rei that Michiru's sneak attack left her open to Haruka's vengeful, unending barrage. Though the war god princess kept up a critical fight, it occurred to Rei that she should just shoot them. After all, she had the gun. It was **she** who held all the cards, not these two Outer Senshi.

Rei stepped back a bit and let the safety off, pulling the trigger as hard and as fast as she could. Nothing. _Shit, _she remembered, _the bullets! I didn't reload the gun!_

Michiru's sneak attack was much more than that. While the facade of the move might have been to keep Rei off-balance, Rei's quick (and failed) dodge knocked the extra rounds out of her grasp; Michiru, obviously not an idiot, dove for the bullets and kicked them behind her and Haruka.

Realizing that she and Sailor Neptune were safe, Uranus's guardian kicked the gun out of the war princess's hands and proceeded to beat the living hell out of her.

"... I almost can't watch," Ami remarked softly from behind her teacup. Setsuna snorted.

"And yet you haven't turned away," the other woman remarked dryly.

"This burns like the fiery depths of Hell... I love it!" Rei screamed as she quickly beaten to a bloody pulp.

"Wait, so who wins our bet?" Ami asked.

"We were both wrong, so I guess no one," Setsuna shrugged. "Wonder what those two are going to do now that they're the only ones left?"

Of course, Rei didn't quite go down without leaving some mark. She had threatened one of the more pathetic yakuza members to set the building to self-destruct a half-hour after she had entered and the clock barely had but a few moments left before the big finale.

The clock was slowly ticking down to zero. With two minutes to go, Haruka and Michiru finished Rei off with a flurry of attacks and, just as she was about to pass out from blood loss, Haruka snapped her neck so that it was completely backwards.

One minute to go.

Haruka and Michiru looked at each other, almost in disbelief that they survived the ordeal. "Well dear," Michiru said quietly, "what are we to do now, besides ruling the world?"

"Why stop there?" Haruka answered. "Have you forgotten that Sailor Galaxia is not here? Neither are any of the other universal senshi. We're free to take over the entire universe, if we so choose!"

"I like it. Maybe we should get to work on that?"

Thirty seconds to go.

Haruka paused for a moment. "Good idea, but a break's in order." With only twenty seconds to go, they made their way to the large room, surveying the late Rei and Makoto's handiwork. Little did they know that the bomb was right under the once gun-toting goon. Haruka took Michiru's hands in hers and leaned in close.

5... 4...

A quick peck on the cheek became a passionate kiss. The two lovers were content in each other's embrace.

3... 2... 1...


	12. Breaking The Fourth Wall

**Chapter Twelve**

Outside the not-so-secret HQ of the yakuza, several innocent citizens were blasted off their feet as the building exploded. Thankfully, none of these bystanders suffered any serious injuries or death, however it should be noted that several birds and squirrels met their maker as a result of the explosion.

However, as no one particularly knew or cared of these animals, no ceremonies were held.

The remains of four young women were identified amongst the rubble with various causes of death and police chalked it up as part of some horrendous yakuza scheme.

Ami stared at the screen and dropped her cup. "Holy crap."

Setsuna sighed and turned off the t.v. "How pathetic."

"What are we supposed to do now?" Ami sighed.

Setsuna shrugged and replied, "Spy on people doing stupid things?"

Ami thought about it for a minute, and nodded, "Sure it'll boost my confidence to see I'm not the only nerd in the world."

Setsuna flipped through the channels, stopping upon one in particular. It showed a group of females and one male all on a messaging board talking about Sailor Moon. They talked about the randomest stuff like Twilight is overrated and how someone was accepted to college.

Ami cocked her head to the side, "What's kawledge? Ooooh, college. Haha, I like that."

Setsuna chuckled, "These are some weird people."

They followed the story for a little bit until Setsuna noticed a particular topic in the game topic. Every time the topic was opened by one of the board members, she flipped the channel away and made up an excuse why they couldn't see it. Finally, she explained to Ami that, if either of them were to lay eyes on it, a rip in time would appear and they would be dragged into another time period. Ami, knowing that the guardian senshi of space and time was correct in her assumption, sat back on the chair, content with the explanation.

It was a serenity that both girls knew wouldn't last.

Ami, in all her brilliance, was also very curious. It was all a matter of time before the screen would linger on that one game thread... it took two weeks of self-restraint before she could not take it anymore. _Just what is here that would cause a time rift to appear?_ When Setsuna had her back turned, her eyes scanned the screen as fast as she could.

It seems it was a story about the senshi, and all of the crazy things that happened to them. Every gory, detailed death scene and psychotic breakdown were recorded in those 300 or so posts. Suddenly, Ami felt herself being pulled backwards, sucked into a dark, bottomless hole that appeared in the ground...

When she came to, Sailor Mars was at her side, explaining to her why she attacked some health-nut monster with a garbage attack. _This must be a dream!_ But as soon as the thought came to her head, she didn't understand why this scene looked so familiar to her. After a while, she just let it go, and continued on with the story, blissfully unaware that she had done this before.

"Called it," Setsuna said to herself in a bored tone. She paced in front of the screen and waited for her entrance, when Usagi would claim that she had slept with Mamoru. It had been the same thing as the last time, and the time before that.

Setsuna would save a different scout each time, just to see how everything would play out. So far, the best outcome came with Ami, but now, she was out of people to save. She paged to the last page of the story, where in this new outcome, only Ami was alive. She was free to become supreme ruler if she wanted, but would she?

Ami stood silently, flowers clutched in her hand. She knelt down on the soft, muddy ground, her free hand tracing a headstone. Three days had passed since the explosion that left her friendless, and despite her best efforts to rationalize their deaths as self-defense; she still could not help feeling a deep sensation of remorse and guilt. Survivor's guilt, they called it.

Each of her friends found at the crime scene-- Makoto, Rei, Haruka and Michiru-- were buried; their deaths were ruled an accident, and were subsequently forgotten by the general public. The hardest part was having to see the coroner pry what remained of Haruka and Michiru's clasped hands apart so they could be put into separate body bags.

Ami wiped away a few rolling tears as she placed a flower on each of their graves.

Ami's mind began to race, knowing it was the time to stop crying she pulled off the black veil and began to concoct the plans towards conquering this pathetic universe. It should be simple, her brain calculated, she was so close in the past to becoming its queen. Smirking, Ami chuckled at the thought of what an idiot Setsuna was for keeping her alive, but she knew she had to keep the Time Princess on her side.

Picking off a fallen blossom from the tree above her, Ami crumbled it in her hand. Only time would tell when the Ice Queen would rule.

_~*~_

_If you made it this far, congratulations! You have no sanity left! We hope you enjoyed this crazy little tale. If you're wondering about that cliffhanger of an ending, there might be a sequel in the future, but only time will tell whether we want to continue it or not. _

_Thanks for reading!_


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